Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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