dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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