i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
