i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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