My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
