i always forget guys have bellybuttons
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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