I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
