you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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