quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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