Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
