Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
