I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
