you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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