where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Boobs are out for the taking
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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