summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
