idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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