I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
