i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
