Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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