There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't put those talents on a resume
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
