Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
