We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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