Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
