I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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