I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
