the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
