My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
