I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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