I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
