i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
