I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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