Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
