His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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