If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
