New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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