What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
