Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
