Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
