Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
