Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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