It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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