census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
