the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
