just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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