I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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