i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
