a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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