living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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