I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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