During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
