i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
