Yo dont text me then not text me
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
