she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
